We tend to regard childhood as carefree times. But the truth is that children have to face challenges of their own from the very beginning. The good news is that resilience is a skill that can be taught and learned.

 

What is resilience and why is it good for children?

 

It’s very difficult for a child to accept a new born in the family and the parents’ split love, the sudden dissapearance  of a pet, or even of someone close, or being bullied at kindergarten or school. A kid is not as prepared as an adult is to face all these. And it’s our duty, as parents and educators to help them go on. Those shields we provide them in the early childhood to protect themselves are the ones they will also use as grown ups.

Recovery from setbacks and getting back to their lives more quickly is the key to build their self-confidence. Once a problem solved, they will feel more capable of solving it the next time, as well. And if they are facing situations that can’t be changed for better, they have to learn that the sadness and all those bad feelings they are experiencing will eventually go away, in time. And that they can be happy again, even after adversity, loss or pain.

Our little ones need to find those healthy ways of dealing with their problems without getting aggressive or defensive.  Being resilient does not mean that children won’t experience difficulty or distress. It means only that they are likely to have better physical and mental health than children who only struggle to be resilient.

 

5 steps to build resilience

 

Build healthy relationships

Every person should be connected. Even if we don’t see each other, even if we don’t meet as often as we would like to, we need to stay connected in every way we can. Talk on the phone, on messenger, play online together, be part of (online) groups.

Encourage your child to tighten up the family ties, to stay in touch with grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, or any other family members. It will give the kid a sense of belonging, of being valued and appreciated. And this will increase the confidence and resilience.

 

Increase empathy

Understanding others feelings means that you are not the only one facing problems. On the other hand, helping others, empowers you. For your child, helping someone to get better, on a subconscious level, it means he can also overcome difficulties. Discuss with your children other people’s reactions, try to guess together how those people feel and encourage them to find ways to support the people in need.

 

Be there, but let your kid face challenges

You can not prevent your child from suffering, as much as you would like to. There will be disappointments and failures. While you discuss with your child, don’t overthink the disadvantages in every situation, they will give up trying. Instead of focusing all the energy on what they already excel at, also find new things, it’s good for kids to diversify. Help your children  set reasonable goals and move toward them one step at a time.

Encourage your children to try, and praise them for trying, even if the result is not exactly what you expected. Allow them to fail, but praise perseverance. Accept and learn from failure. And teach your child self-compassion, self-forgiveness, self-acceptance and self-love.

 

Maintain a daily routine, but be ready for change

Children, especially the small ones, crave for structure in their lives. They need to be part of a routine in order to function properly. Living in a predictable environment gives them a sense o security and confidence.

But don’t get stuck in your own ideas and rules, you also have to keep your mind open, to stimulate your children’s creativity. Change can be scary, but it’s part of the evolution process.

 

Help them to express their feelings

Engage your child in their own resilience journey. Discuss with your children during their happy and sad times. Analyze what happened and how it made them feel.

 

In the URBAN Forest Library, we bought “Resilience”, the book written by Jayneen Sanders.

It’s a children’s book to encourage resilience, persistence, and to help children bounce back from challenges and adversity.

Written from a male figure’s perspective, the book speaks with the voice of a little girl’s father. He watches in total admiration as his daughter faces the everyday challenges of growing up – crawling, taking the first steps, learning to swim or to ride the bike, but also dealing with her emotions when her pet died, and when bullied at school.

Caregivers are advised to read the book to children and discuss the situations the little girl is going through and also to ask the children questions about their own challenges.

It is part of the props we use in the URBAN Forest classes.

Have you read the book? Have you found other interesting books to help you build your child’s resilience and confidence? Tell us in the comments bellow.