It’s funny to see how children define friendship in the early childhood. 30 seconds after they first lay eyes on each other, small children genuinely address the question – “Would you be my friend?”. Being friends means playing together for about 2 minutes. And stop being friends means they are not playing together for the next 2 minutes, because they haven’t agreed on what game to choose or how to share toys.

Sometimes, we don’t  have enough time to let our children build relationships under our supervision, and they are too young to get out alone by themselves. Consequences? Being used to spend time accompanied only by adults, they treat their peers like little aliens.

Meanwhile, while growing-up, the other children learn different games,  and how to make friends. The isolated children start thinking of themselves as  outsiders, feeling ashamed for not being able to fit into the group. Fortunately, eventually, the kindergarten and school pushes them out of their shields and out of the exclusive adults world.

But, psychologists say that the first 7 years of life are essential for learning how to relate. And that is why we, the parents, need to make time in our busy schedules to help our children meet other children their age.

Friendships give us a sense of belonging and security. And, later on, while growing up, friendships contribute to children’s quality of life and ability to adjust to changes within their environments as well.

What friendship looks like before the age of 7

Below the age of 7, friendships are based on physical (same age or gender) or geographical considerations (next-door neighbor) and are rather self-centered. A friend is a playmate who lives nearby and has “neat” toys, and likes the same games.

  • But even under 2 years old children, while being in childcare, often form bonds. They generally engage in playing side-by-side- parallel play, rather than together.
  • Between 2-5 years old, as preschoolers develop language, play becomes more involved and interactive. Friendships can spring up over cooperative play, such as building ramps together with blocks or scrambling over a climbing structure.
  • Around the age of four or five, children’s play becomes more complex. They enjoy pretend play board games, and active games. Some children like rough-and-tumble games. Other children may enjoy doing crafts together. Children are becoming more social at this age, and often prefer to play with other children of the same gender. They might also prefer certain personality types over others.

What do the kids learn from friendships?

  • Attributes such as social competence, altruism, self-esteem, and self-confidence have all been found to be positively correlated to having friends.
  • Studies have found that friendships enable children to learn more about themselves and develop their own identity.

How to help our children make friends?

  • Help our children understand that they don’t  have to be best friends with everyone, but they can be kind and inclusive.
  • Teach them the basics: how to say hello, how to share, and how to take turns.
  • Plan some structured activities and invite a few children/families over. Having other children in our homes let us see how our children interact with others, and allows us to offer gentle support when necessary.

If you don’t have enough space at home or you don’t consider it safe during pandemic times, you might want to try some outdoor learning classes.